Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize