People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
