I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
