I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
