I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
