well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
where am i from again
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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