On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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