I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
