i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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