I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
