I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
