I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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