I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
