I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
