went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
