I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
