He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
