Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
God, I missed his penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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