is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
