You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
