"it" just moved
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
