Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
