I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
