i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
