DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
