I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
