just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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