one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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