I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
