You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
