Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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