so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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