I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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