She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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