Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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