God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
