he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
