I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
