I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think people are normalizing furries
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
