im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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