she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
