I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
