better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
