Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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