I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
