Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
