I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
