I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
