hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
should my penis look like a turkey
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
