I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
