Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
