You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
