I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize