I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
