Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
