it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
