Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
