can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
