Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
