while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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