i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
