You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
