dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
