So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
