He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
