areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
