Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
