I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
