he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I deserve this hangover.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
