I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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