can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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