I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
