i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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