I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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