Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
