you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
