I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize