Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize