Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
