You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
