and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
