you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
