And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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