dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize