omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
