I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
