Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
