he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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