This girl is more easily done than said...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
