I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
