god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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