you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize