why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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