there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
