At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize