Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
