having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How's work?
Spinning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
